News in Brief: Nation’s Homophobic Bigots Pack It In

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News in Brief: Nation’s Homophobic Bigots Pack It In

WASHINGTON—Following the Supreme Court’s landmark ruling that bans on same-sex marriage were unconstitutional, the nation’s homophobic bigots reportedly conceded today that “rules are rules” and announced that they were going to pack it in. “Well, this certainly went against my personal beliefs, but we must respect the Supreme Court’s ruling,” said Dale Howell of Avery, TX, who, like millions of his fellow intolerant Americans with an intense hatred of homosexuals, believes that he had the opportunity to make his voice heard and is now ready to accept the highest court in the land’s decision and move on. “Obviously, I’m not going to like it. However, my hands are simply tied. The law is the law, and that’s really all there is to the situation.” Sources confirmed that the energy homophobes normally spent discriminating against gays will likely be reallocated to further holding down ...

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