News in Brief: Paul Ryan Quietly Doing Seated Ab Exercises Throughout State Of The Union

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News in Brief: Paul Ryan Quietly Doing Seated Ab Exercises Throughout State Of The Union

WASHINGTON—Taking the opportunity to strengthen his core during the president’s hour-long remarks, House Speaker Paul Ryan is said to have quietly performed a series of ab exercises as he sat through the State of the Union address Tuesday, sources reported. “Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty—come on, let’s push it, two more sets,” whispered Ryan, who reportedly grunted at regular intervals from his seat several feet behind President Obama as he targeted his midsection, obliques, and lower back with a regimen of ab squeezes, leg pull-ins, and seated crunches. “Keep it going now. Yeah, that burn is the body getting stronger. Stick with it.” At press time, Ryan was reportedly spotted grabbing a plastic sports bottle from the floor of the rostrum and dousing his face with water while the president described his vision for America’s future trade role in the Pacific.

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