Joke

[Buzz]

[font=]CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER[/font]

 
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
 
  ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
  WITNESS:     He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
  ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
  WITNESS:     My name is Susan!
  ____________________________________________
 

  ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
  WITNESS:     Yes.
  ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
  WITNESS:     I forget..
  ATTORNEY:  You forget?  Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
  ___________________________________________
   
   
  ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
  WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam?
  ____________________________________
 
  ATTORNEY:  The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
  WITNESS:      He's 20 , much like your IQ.
  ___________________________________________
   
  ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
  WITNESS:     Are you sh*tting me?
  ____________________________________________
   (Another favorite)
  ATTORNEY:  She had three children , right?
  WITNESS: Yes.
  ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?
  WITNESS:[/size][/size] None.
  ATTORNEY:   Were there any girls?
  WITNESS:      Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
  ____________________________________________
 
  ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
  WITNESS:     By death..
  ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?
  WITNESS: Take a guess.
  ____________________________________________
 
  ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
  WITNESS:     He was about medium height and had a beard
  ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
  WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
  _____________________________________
 
  ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
  WITNESS:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
  ______________________________________
 
  ATTORNEY:  Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
  WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
  _________________________________________
 
  ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
  WITNESS: Oral..
  _________________________________________
 
  ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
  WITNESS:     The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
  ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
  WITNESS:     If not , he was by the time I finished.
  ____________________________________________
 
 
  And last:
 
  ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
  WITNESS:     No.
  ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?
  WITNESS:     No.
  ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?
  WITNESS:     No..
  ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
  WITNESS: No.
  ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
  WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
  ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
  WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.[/size]
 

[radu]

   These are great... You've made me search the book. Thank you